here's a parody i wrote for English class. Mind the language...i was trying to imitate J.D Salinger's writing style.I'ts also kinda long.


Rumpelstiltskin

If you really want to hear about it then the first thing you’ll want to know is my name and how I got into this goddamn situation in the first place. Well about the name you can just forget about that, I’ve had enough problems with names as you’ll soon find out. Well that is if you even bother to read this depressing thing. So how I got myself into this mess. You can blame that on my phoney father he made one goddamn slip of the tongue that sure cost me a lot of trouble. See my father’s a miller so life is pretty lousy to begin with. So anyway he had to go talk to this king, who the hell know’s why, and he tried to make himself look all important and crap and told the king that he had a daughter that could spin straw into gold, that’s me. Then the king got all excited. I sure hate it when someone gets all excited over something so foolish as that. He told my father to bring me to the king to spin gold for him.
So this king locked me in a room and told me if I hadn’t spun this pile of straw into gold by the morning that he would kill me. Talk about depressing, I can’t hardly stand to think about it. Well I did what any other person would do – I cried. Anyways that’s not important, back to the story this stupid little man appeared out of nowhere and asked me what was wrong. He was such a phoney... he didn’t care what was wrong. I hate it when people pretend like they care and all but really don’t give a damn. So I told him what I needed to do. So then, of all things, he started to bargain with me. I was so depressed. He said that he could spin the gold if I gave him something. So I tossed him my necklace - I hated that necklace anyway. It was a stupid gift from my phoney aunt Ruth, it made my neck itch.
Any way to this little man did what he said and when the king came in the morning and saw the gold he got so greedy that he wanted more! So The same thing happened the next night - except I had to give the stupid man my ring instead, I did like that thing. That ring was my mother’s before she died, anyway that made me so depressed. So when the king came in the morning he still wanted more gold... He told me that if I spun the gold for him than I could be his wife. His goddamn wife! What a phoney, he went from threatening to kill me to wanting to marry me in a day. Well since my father is a poor miller I had to jump at the chance to marry someone rich. So that night he locked me in a room again. It was pretty stupid of him to lock up his wife to be in a room as a slave... but what could I do about it? So I was sure hoping that the stupid little man would come back.. but the problem was that I didn’t have anything else to give him. So when he came back he told me that I would have to give him my first born child... that was more depressing than anything. But I didn’t have any other choice so I promised him my first child.
So a lousily year later I had my first child and had completely forgotten about that phoney man that spun the gold for me. Then He randomly appeared in my room and insisted that I give him my child. He was so friggin impatient about it too, I hate that. Any way there was no way in hell that I could just hand over my baby. So he gave me a deal – that if I could guess his name in three lousy days that I could keep my child. All night I guessed names and every time he would say “it’s not my name.”
The next day I had a stupid little messenger sent out to get as many names as he could. Not a single name was the one! I hate that people can’t do a simple job like finding a name right, like how stupid can you be. Any way I sent the messenger out the third day and when he came back he told me that he couldn’t find a single new flipping name. But he told me that he did overhear something that might help me out. He had found this funny old man dancing around a fire saying :
'To-day I bake, to-morrow brew,
the next I'll have the young queen's child.
Ha, glad am I that no one knew
that Rumpelstiltskin I am styled.'
So I figured that it must be the same stupid little man. Who the hell is named Rumpelstiltskin? So when he came back that night I guessed a few stupid names to make him think that I couldn’t guess and then I guessed Rumpelstiltskin .Well he got so frigging angry that he stuck his right foot in the ground and that got him even more angry so he pulled on his left leg as hard as he could, I don’t know what kind of idiot would do that, well he pulled it so hard that he tore himself in two. How depressing is that.
The End.
By Erin Hodge

A parody based on Rumpelstiltskin by Brothers Grimm using the form of Catcher in the Rye

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE? So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits: black cold blues-laura veirs

Waking up: i will remeber you- sarah mclachlan

First Day at Highschool - gone- switchfoot

Falling In Love: shopping- barenaked ladies

Fight Song: to little to late -- barenaked ladies

Breaking Up: almost--sarah harmer

Prom: wild world--cat stevens

Life: fraggle rock--relient k

Mental Breakdown: morning has broken- cat stevens

Driving: one chance -modest mouse

Flashback: open arms- tracy chapman

Getting Back Together: the prodical's song--paul oakley

Wedding: testing 1,2,3--barenaked ladies ( haha)

Birth of Child: holding out for a hero- jennifer saunders

Final Battle: after the rain- aaron and jeffery

Death Scene: silver road--sarah harmer

Funeral Song: ode to divorce--regina specktor ( at least i didn't get it for the wedding one)

End Credits: still- happy medium


side note.This would make a very horrible movie.

i Just found out that one of my good friends from Ont Has died recently. We lost touch several years ago but it still seems odd. 16 year olds shouldn't be dying of cancer.

William and i used to spend hours singing backstreet boys on his kareeokee machine.And Climbing his roof and sliding off.

i can't seem to understand why this happens.