my head is spinning.

today i decided to take all my photos and crap of my bullitin bored and reorganize them. in the process i found i picture of my next dorr neighbour from when i lived in wingham.This lady had such an impact on my life she has no idea she was one of my best friends and the closest thing i had to a grandmother.i thougt back to when i first met her.

i was 5 or 6 i think and i was walking down the street with my mother when on my neighboors lawn i saw a cat. i ran up to the cat to pet it. my mother called me back, but the lady sitting onm the porch laughed and said it was alright.after that we were great friends. at first i would go over to her house to see the cat ( alec was his name)but eventually i would go over to see her.the cat died my our friendship did not. we would spend hours talking over ice tea, she listened to me..she cared.when i moved to N.B we lost touch and it saddens me. one year my family went back to visit and i knocked on her door praying that she still lived there. she answered the door and we spent the day together, she took me out for ice cream and we talked and laughed together.Again we lost touch. i thought about her often..then last year i started writing her a letter about how much i appreciated her and how i missed her . i never sent it.

so today when i found the picture i looked closely and there to the left of her was the numbers on her house.And with that i could sent her a letter as i lived on the same strett and it was such a small town that we all had the same postal code.i remebered the day i took the pisture..just before i moved.i ran downstairs excited that i could finally sned her a letter. my parent were sitting at the table talking, i showed them the picture and told them my plan.then they told me that when they were in wingham this summer them found out that she had died from cancer ..last year.

so now i'm lost.i keep thinking that if i had sent that letter a year ago then she would have know that i loved her and how much she touched my life.i con't believe that i let us lose touch.
i'm grieving and it way sound silly because i havn't seen her in 5 years but something is different. i had always pictured going back someday and knocking on her door again and going for ice cream.but know that will never happen.she's gone.
the worst part is that i can't simply hope that i'll meet her agina someday in heaven..because i don't even know if she belived.

that brings up more thoughts.my like this my cancer?she wan't even that old! she wasn't done her life! how could god let her die?!

maybe i'm just over reacting but i've never hasd to deal with death before, i've never met my grand faters and my gradmothers both died when i was little.
i've always wanted to have grandparents and she was the closest thing i had and now i have nothing.

so i think the whole point of this post was to encourage you to send those letters, so make those phone calls. tell the people that you love just how important they are to you ..before it's to late.