Facebook has essentially eliminated the desire to blog. But for some reason i am drawn back to this old blog. It's a time capsule of my life, and i am feeling nostalgic. I also know that no one reads this anymore. so writing is stupid and pointless. but then in the future i can look back and see how far i have come- or not.
I need to know that i have been here before. That I can rid this stuck feeling. The "rut" i am in.

I know that i have been pouring my heart into all the wrong things, and now i have nothing to put my heart into. I can't say i that i love god, cause right now i can barley remember him let alone love him. Prayers taste funny in my mouth.
It's not that i don't believe in a god, it just doesn't mean as much to me anymore.
The things is...i am slowing wanting it to really mean something! i want answers. i want to feel again. feel something.

I am a passive observer in my own life. It's like watching a movie of my life, and i can't do anything to control it.
Someone press pause please.

Sometimes it feels as if life is just ticking away. I am in second year now. 19, i can drink and smoke all i want. But i still don't know what the hell is going on in this effen world.